The pills are sapping me completely. I feel like California: stunted, infertile, dry as a bone. I used to be dense with photosynthesis; it was hella sexy. Now I’m all thin and papery, ripe kindling for a forest fire. Mood stabilizers are well-know for their cornucopia of side effects. My cells are degenerating at the speed of light, my hair falls out by the handful, and my eyes are so sensitive that I have to wear those ugly, blind guy, black-plastic sunnies inside. I’m like the poster child for what-not-to-ingest-if-you-ever-hope-to-get-a-date-again.
From kitchen to bedroom to couch and back: I make haphazard crazy eight patterns with my slippered feet. I chill easily these days, and must keep a blanket pinned around my neck like a cape. I have a small gold couch that I salvaged from the dumpster. The upholstery is flaking off in chunks the size of fingernails. My fingernails are flaking off and mixing with the chunks. I think about sweeping a few times a day, but am easily distracted by the sounds of dying inside. I chug water with abandon. I wonder when my post-hospital-assigned-psychologist will call?